currently unnamed.
by Sono Kuro Hikari
Summary: (Progress: Chapter two is up and under construction.) It is after you, and It is the number that is twice 4, greater then 7, and less then 9.
1. Acid Trip On Aisle Four

Um… sorry about the mix up earlier guys, and sorry about snapping at the people who noted me about it. ^^;; I know, I know, I was being an ass. For those who aren't in the know, I basically only had the first chapter up and they couldn't tell that it was about Discworld since about half of the Chapter was missing... but it is about Discworld so read on!               

**Reviews area also accepted ;-)**

I look up at the sky and declare "Is there no god!?" to the unhearing heavens. But apparently my best friend, Luke, was not unhearing because he got out of the passenger seat of the car I head been driving and asked me as he stood "Stayed up all downloading porn instead of studying for the finals again, eh?"

At this I do the only thing possibly suitable for such a situation. I becoming infinitely fascinated by my shoes and mutter incoherently, "damn cable connection, its becoming addictive..," 

"David," he says, "You are so predictable." 

I can only scuff at him and oh-so-sardonically inform him "How I now realize the errors of my ways, shown to me by the person who accidentally goes to school on the weekend at least once a month." 

Throwing his book bag over his shoulder, and letting it hang there haphazardly, he tells me to shove it up various parts of my anatomy. As we walked to the double door entrance of the school we gradual find ourselves slipping into the age-old pattern of endlessly insulting one another with the same things we had said yesterday, as though we were reading a script. You could say it was a part of our 'oh shit I am going to fail the ((blank)) test' psyche up routine. Languages such as German, Japanese, Latin, as well as bits of French and Spanish contributed to the string of friendly insults.

Being the day of finals the normally energetic, and at times down right perky, throngs of people had slowed to a pace that could not really be called walking. Ambling, perhaps, but not real walking. They weren't going anywhere, nor did they want to. They were just trying to make it look like they were going to where they were trying not to go. This was all fine and good by me; I didn't have to worry about anyone interrupting our pointless contest. Short of the chemistry teacher.

Now _that_ was a thought that would make an iceberg shiver. Our chemistry teacher was really short, and looked as though she could be one of the students. If it was not for the fact that behind her forced smile was an entity of pure evil. Well, scratch that, she could still be a student even with that. It was probably the fact that she showed up everyday and told everyone else what to do and dictated their lives that made her the teacher. Ok, ok, so she could be a jock, but its not really so important that one knows why she is the teacher, but rather that she is the teacher, and an evil one at that.

"David!" was all I heard before I realized that I was about to walk straight into a wall. It was only Luke's warning that kept me from re-breaking my nose. Being absentminded as I was, this has happened before. Very embarrassing, it was, but it could have been solved if the hallways had not curved. Just one, straight hallway would have been enough. "You almost missed the classroom again." walking up to me he finished "You need to pay more attention, if not in class, to the act of getting into the class." I don't see why he had to grin quite like that...

"Yeah, well, you need to." damn. What did he need to do? "Um. Eh." 

"That's what I thought" he smirks at me, as I am still scratching my head. Half from the itching and half from the feeling that there should be something more there... like I should be thinking a thought but I wasn't. Or maybe the thought I should have been thinking was that I should have had been thinking a thought but wasn't.

"Oh shit... it's not a written test... it's a lab! David, look at that" he proclaimed, pointing to the board in the front of the room. It said in plain lettering "First to determine what the mystery substance is gets a 100. Everyone else who finishes gets a 75. Those who do not finish or get a wrong answer will FAIL this class. I will be back at the end of the block. Begin immediately."

Walking to the last row of lab tables I wonder how she could have made that any more obvious. "Great. 'Those who do not finish', why doesn't she just write my name?" And what do you know its Andrea's turn to slash my self-confidence down to size. "Ah, its ok. You wont fail, remember she said this was a group project?"   
  
This is about the point that my already incoherent thought process degraded to near nothingness. Pretty girl. Low cut tank top. Smile. At me. And talk too. Heh... **Smack!** Eh. Where did that come from? Oh. Luke.

"Get your act together dude, if you want to go out with her you can't be reduced to a puddle of pure horniness every time she talks to you." "Good point." 

Picking up a row of test tubes I absentmindedly go through the actions of something the teacher, Ms Geveden, had taught us. Poor tube one into tube two, let sit. Poor the mixture into 10 mm of water. Stir. Add in the third tube... and etcetera etcetera ad infum.

How to get Andrea to go out with me. That was a tough one. She can get just about any guy she wants, no doubt in my mind about that. Tall, tan, green eyes, fine dark brown. And not to sound shallow but she had quite the rack too. She liked me, but only as a friend. Why? Because I've been too much of a horny adolescent to catch her attention. I guess I just have to do something to spend more time with her. Maybe get her phone number and see if we could go see a movie together, or go to the Civic Center. I hear they have a good art display. She likes art, so that's good. 

"Holy fuck it's smoking!" cries out someone across the room, and I look around to see what they could possibly mean, and I realize that everything is a bit obscured by a thin haze. One originating underneath my nose. Fuck damn shit and other such expletives.

"David!? What the hell did you do!" demands a very, very aggravated Luke. "I don't know..."

"Don't worry guys, let me look through what he did..." Andrea says before quickly expertly scanning the row of chemicals and glancing at the book. "Its only Lysergic Acid Crypto-Ethelene! Nothing to worry about. Wait, what does that do again?"

Shit. I may not be the most apt pupil, but I know my hallucinogens.


	2. It Rhymes With 'Mince-Pinned'

Before I could turn to my friends to inform them what was happening all of reality decided to bitch slap me in the face. Blurry forms moved in a trance like dance as I crumpled and fell unconscious to the cheap tiling I stood on. I never felt the impact, though I did hear a few screams as well as the sound of lots of people running really fast in a small area towards an even smaller area before I couldn't hear or see anything anymore.

----------------------------

Most headaches are fairly simple. The hurt and they keep your mind off of other worries by replacing them with a sensation of blinding pain. This can be a good thing as well as one that could get you killed. But the headache I had was not a mainstream one. This was a headache which migraines took Advil for. One that sapped so much out of you it was able to reassemble all of this absorbed consciousness and make itself a physical body. But there was one thing I could not quite figure out. Why was it that this headache was poking me with a stick and asking me if I had any potatoes? 

"Mhrableahhh... but mommy I wanna ice kweeam..." Now where did that come from? **poke** ( damn headache ) Wait, don't I know that voice? "nyeahhh.. stop breasting my squeeze davie.. meammbleh.." Andrea. That had been a full two weeks ago. Good **poke** to know she remembers. I guess. Yeah, that's it. Think on the bright side. 

Damn. Being optimistic is hard **Poke** work. 

 "meah... that's my little culu punta... heheamm... don't be shy..." Yep. That would be Luke. **_Poke_ **Must have been some pretty strong stuff that I ma- **_POKE_**

"I hate to disturb you, but you wouldn't happen to have any potatoes? It's been weeks since I have had potatoes... No? Are you sure? Not even any mashed? Maybe with some melted butter and a bit of..." says my headache. At least it stopped poking me with that stick. Now to get an idea of what a headache looks like I think solemnly to myself as I force my eyes open. WIZZARD. Why was I reading a mispelled version of the word 'wizard'? My answer was given a short time later, once my eyes readjusted to the blinding light. It was written on a tattered hat that was tackily adorned with a good number of sparkly things. This tall pointy hat was, incidentally, being worn by a man who looked almost as unaesthetic as the hat.

At a loss I inguire "Excuse me, but who the bloody hell are you and why are we on a _beach_?" to the lanky fellow as I prop myself up on one elbow, desperatly trying to get the sound out of my ear at the same time. And having my skills at multitasking I fail miserably at both and manage to end up in a slightly different but just as uncomfortable position. 

"Im Rincewind and I suppose you are on this beach because you were somewhere else before and then came here." He stated matter-of-factly as he brushed his coat to one side. It was just as worn and tattered as the rest of him. Which was saying a lot. Everything from the odd looking shoes he wore to his bearded face said that he had once been a calm and well tempered person living a normal life, before his life suddenly turned into a sadistic joke played on him by Fate1. And like most Gods, Fate didn't know when enough when was enough, because it looked like this poor soul had been running from one thing or another his whole life.

Feeling good enough for another attempt I wearily rose to one knee, then fully erect and took in the sceneray around me. We were, indeed, on a beech. Over my left shoulder was the ocean and ahead of me was the obligatory throng of palm trees, and just behing them a small lake. Judging by how the coast line curved, we were on the penisula of an island. In the middle of nowhere2. "Eh, my name is David, this is Luke" I say pointing to the fool at my side with the grin larger then his face.  "And that lovely beauty is Andrea." Motioning towards her. She was almost totally awake now. "Andrea, Rincewind. Rincewind, Andrea."

  
  
This is about the point where I realized, in great detail, exactly how sand tasted. And also moment before I realized she had just bitch slapped me. "You moron! You drugged us!" yells a -somewhat- aggrevated Andrea inbetween kicks to my ribs. "We are you going to fail! We are on an acid trip! We are tripping during the middle of our Chemistry final!" 

  
Slowly I uncurl from the ball I had brought myself into and then stand up, seeing that everyone is up and about now.  
  


  
"No. I don't think we are... your name is Rincewind, right?" asks Luke as he slowly pieces together what has happened.  
  


  
"yes, that's what I said." Dryly responds the odd looking fellow. And then asks, as though it was a bother to him to have to sort this type of thing out. "And your name is Luke, right?"

Ignoring his question Luke not so much asks as states "You're a wizard, arent you."

"Not a very good one, but yes I am. Now tell me," he says as he switches stances "who are you?"

"Some people who are not from the Discworld." Says Luke, looking as though he had just solved a puzzle and was troubled as to whether or not the puzzle could be solved, even though he had just done it.

TO BE CONTINUED

1 - This is of course meant in the most literal of ways.

2 - Not _the_ Nowhere, which is where Courage the cowardly dog3 lives but rather a nowhere.

3 - Who, incidentally, would have been Rincewind's pet had it not been for a small mix up made by one of the Creators. 


End file.
